|Sunrise at Crystal Beach|
I've been a Christian my whole life, even when I didn't act like one. I know that there is so much I still need to learn, and every day is a new beginning and a new realization. These past few weeks have brought such an awareness that it's not ME that does ANYTHING. It is only God through me. So I want to listen, I want to know what HE wants me to do, and I want to let HIM come through. On my own I can't do anything at all. NOTHING. If you know me, you know what a hard concept that is to grasp. My love language is acts of service. If I can't do anything for you, I feel useless. So God has really been speaking to me about this. There is nothing I can do!!! I have to let HIM do it. It's been surprisingly easier than I thought it would be. I still have my moments. I still struggle with thoughts of what I can do and how I can work this out. Then I hear Him say STOP IT. I GOT THIS.
I've been reading quite a bit and it seems almost everything is directed to what I am dealing with right now - the fear, letting go of it, financial struggles, unknown futures - and it is so comforting to know that God sends me exactly what I need to read/hear. Lysa TerKeurst with Proverbs 31 Ministries is awesome. She speaks right to me at every level. I read this yesterday and it is so applicable to what I am dealing with, so I wanted to share:
Some days I struggle with trusting God. I want Him to do something specific and I'm get concerned He won't or not soon enough. I'm not great at waiting. I get scared. I get tired. I get worried. I want to take control but when I push for what I want, and it's not God's best, I always end up with regret.
So, I'm praying these words with a heart that wants to trust. With a heart that knows the center of His will is the safest place for me to be: Lord, I choose to trust You will give me what I need, when I need it.
So powerful! So true! Don't we all do this? It's the reason our lives end up in a mess. I don't want to be a mess anymore. I want God to work through me and show the world what He is capable of. We went to Promise Church on Sunday and the message was from Amos 3:3 - how two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement. We must be in agreement with God in order to maintain our walk with Him. I'm so thankful I am finally figuring out what that means in my life.